WTF Does That Mean...

So a friend of mine posted some philosophy on facebook this morning - The mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders ~ credit to some Chinese dude (Lao Tsu). This got me thinking, what the f@#$ does this sh*# mean? So, I took to the internet to look up some more Chinese philosophy and I found these:

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. ~Confucius (Ok, this one is more of a why does anyone need someone to tell them this? I know where the f@#$ I went)

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. ~Confucius (Rickey Bobby said "If you're not first you're last". Who's right?)

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance. ~Confucius (WTF?)

If the king loves music, there is little wrong in the land. ~Mencius (Obama loves hip hop! Where's our world peace? Actually, where's our national peace?)

Truth uttered before its time is always dangerous. ~Mencius (Hey y'all lie until your blue in the face!)

Mencius said that human nature is good. I disagree with that. ~Xun Zi (Obama said Kansas would win the NCAA tournament last year, I disagreed, turns out we were both wrong.)

Truth is these were subjectively selected. These guys also said some things that made a lot of sense. I talk a lot, and most of the time its bullshit, but every once in a while something ingenious comes roaring out of my mouth. Does that make me a philosopher?

Here's some philosophy for your ass: Money, Cash, Hoes. ~HOVA (ladies replace hoes with whatever derogatory word y'all use to describe men.)

Holla!!!

p.s. ~ I guess since I don't understand these that's a stump... Somebody dig these old dudes up so I can buy them some Wendy's.